Turnin Over a New Leaf

I should be really going to bed right about now.
But I wanted to update my blog so bad for some reason.

~~~
As of late I have been going through alot of ...... well ..........well alot of nothing, mix with a dab of Bullshyt.

it just makes me wanna cry, scream, throw shyt, break shyt, cuss everyone, neglect other goals, eat and sleep.


UGH

btw when i say nothing i don't mean "exactly nothing". I mean nothing in relation to "not doing the things that you set your self to do for yourself, whether it be short term or long term goals... "
I dont exactly know where this spell or mind frame came from. But i do know that it sort of just appeared around late 07', early 08' and preceded to get worst as 08 progressed... for the record 08 was one of the shittiest year i have experience so far in my dear life.

• I left my school "Penn State University" ($$$$$) to transfer to a BS of a community college around my way...... it sucked ass....
• picked up a full time job in the govt in a position that gives me no growth besides "work ethics"... & got treated like shyt, teased, harassed, drained and stressed the fuck out all while going to college (its "A LITTLE" better now)
• was in a shitty ass relationship with a lazy indignant ass LEO of a boyfriend. UGH broke up with his ass.......... on my birthday (might i add)
• lost a best friend for stupid reasons(friends for 15 years) smdh
• gained between 30-45lbs. double UGH
• had a fling with a male best friend.. which then crushed our friendship,
• did NOTHING practically the entire summer...
• had a straining ass part job as a server while working full time at the govt and going to school... :-/ Uber-UGH
• was denied transfer to my new school of choice (because of some stupid math class) which required me to be at the BS community college for another year
• had to pay for school... cause i could not get Financial Aid at that point in the year (my own fault)
• gained more weight... gave all my clothes away....
• bought a car... went broke...the list goes on lol
  

Im sure some of you can relate

**Pause**

DISCLAIMER:
all the above things im sure to you seem look like nothing more to you but whines.
Yet to me it was alot to deal with at the same time, not including some of the other misc things that have happened along the way that i did not mention. However, don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, since the majority of these experiences presented important life lessons. So with that being said ...moving on...
**Back to the Program**


Alot of these experiences, have and ashamedly said tore me down to a point where i was left confused, cluttered and dried up. I didn't feel like doing alot of shyt anymore. Felt as if my mind was in a locked up black prison cell with no light except for the gleaming light of my dreams and aspirations behind the iron bars of my depressing asylum.

I refuse to allow my mind to be trapped in that fuckery any longer... I've spent almost 2 years of my life in there. not anymore. This is not my make up. My mother didn't raise me like this nor did see raise me to be like this. So as of this month, I have made a promise to myself to do better for myself, accomplish more for my life and get back to my ambitious ways and get closer to GOD...

Cause i deserve it.

so technically tomorrow is the first day of my official turning over a new leaf... and im already failing because Im up writing this long ass essay at 2 in the gotdamn morning.... FAIL
lol


so im out. I'll be back tomorrow to update on the rest
*since this post was clearly too long*....





btw

I still have plenty of pics to post lol.

MAJOR LAZER ♥

I think I found a new Love in....

check them out on myspace... they rock..

Reggae/Dancehall mixed with M.I.A.& Diplo/ Techno = everything I need.

Their latest video: Hold the Line

YASSSS class of 09

My brother Graduated!!!!

*vogue voice*

KA KA KOW KOWWWW


he's cut off in the pic cause he like 6'1 and im only 5'5 lol lol

I feel DEAD

As of late it feels as if I have been losing a part of myself...

I don't know if it relates to the facts that I am a prisoners of a (9-5) 9-630 that succumbs to the seclusion of her cubicle or that I am a victim of internet brain slaughter. Which ever it may be. I need a change.

I need a change because I feel like some of my intellect(including all vital internal organs are disintegrating into black soot). I refuse to allow this world to grab a hold of me as such.

God has so much meaning for my life. I just know he does.
And being dumbfounded is not one of them.

I need to surround myself with more friends/people with substance and get involved in activities of meaningful purpose. Mmm better yet I need a good fuckin book. (any suggestions)


What ever it may be...
I need a intervention.


----
(so to give me something to look forward to. i think Im going to start this "a photo a day" memoir. lol It should be fun. I love photography and photography loves me lol. (<--corny) ...should be fun)

photo taken by Jeremiah

edited by Me

oo FACK!

blogger.

Oh, Blogger.

Why have I been so distant?

:-)

Hi new followers! Im still confused as to why I have so many followers and I don't even update enough. haha I guess this motivates me to show blogger more love than I have been....
I can even blame it on Twitter this time either since i have barely been on it. So I guess the neglect twiddles down to the fact that I am lazy lol.


Nonetheless, I have alot to update you all on! It was my 21st Bday a couple of days ago (May22). Though I enjoyed myself, I must say it was a mixture of anger and happiness. But hey all my birthdays are like that so watev.

(my last bday I broke up with my boyfriend at the time... I was with his ass for like 2 years ugh....his yuck ass *bleh*..and then proceed to do nothin on my bday or if i did I can't remember.. HA. I had a very interesting choice of boyfriends back in the day... Oh well fuck it..)

Any ways I'll tell you all the details of my 21st later when I get a chance to upload my pics ;-)

meanwhile, I hope everyone enjoyed their Memorial Day weekend & festivities! This summer looks like its gonna go pretty well :-)



NOTE:

I will be postin some old ass posts that have been sitting in my queue as well lol.. so if u see post magically appear in earlier dates, that what that is... haha

Wait!!... I'm still here =)

I have been neglecting my blogspot like never before... Im surprised I still have followers. smdh @ myself.


ok so check this....
Why have I been writing this one post for almost a whole month. Ugh. Its still sitting there waitin to be published and everything lol. I just feel so out of the loop in blogworld lol.

So, I shall do a recap of my life lol since the last time i were here... (some of u may not care but its okay, ill still do it anyways :-)

so remember my lovely post about my dreaded-but-ever-so-exciting search for some furniture?? Well this is one of my first findings lol. Yea i know. It looks.... different... right? Ha! well I bought it from the vintage section of a thift store around my way. I was so excited when I found this 19th Century lookin wood chunk. It is true to his originality and very well handcrafted (no nails! ha) and I am so excited that I got it for only $40. Now after this baby gets polished, oiled down and modified, its going to give all of $$$$ expensive ass vintage furniture price.


O yea on top of that here is my other piece that i found for $8 to go with my first piece. =D




Anyways enough of my version of HGTV.

I recently went to Philly for one of my girlfriend's 21st.<--which occured on April 20th. '_' yes April 20th.. *sigh* need I say more??


Its just so much to say about this trip but I'll leave that for another post.
As a matter of fact, the post that has been sitting in my queue of posts for almost a month, has the details from it... I'll just say that I experienced and learned alot about myself and my life decision. Needless to say, I had alot of fun, whether I was sober or intoxiated.

here are a few pictures...


pardon the cleavage...i cant control it :-)



Ohh this place was soooooooo good. yummy yum

here is the food... LOVE


as we were walkin down the street back to the house we pass a bunch of party dancers... then this guy yells out to me to talk this cuntalicious pic of him lol...haha too funny.. i wish i had more video of him lol


the birthday gurl
So yea..... thats all I feel like posting from Philly in this post. You will def see more of it in the other post lol....

anyways im gettign sleepy.. I'll see u guys later...

buh bye xox

Happy Mother's Day to my Mommies ♥

HAPPY MOMMIES DAY TO ALL MY MOMMIES AND SOON TO BE MOMMIES OUT THERE!




You are def GOD's Gift to the world.
Love you all. XOXO